“If there is anything I can share with other women in an abusive relationship, it would be not to linger,” says Bianca Charles of Fishhoek,loving wife, mother of two and newly appointed Administrative Manager at the 1000 Women Trust.
“Trust your instincts. And when you realize you are in such a relationship, you must try and get out. Because serial abusers’ conduct is progressive. They start by smacking you, then they push you and then they punch,” she added, all while grooming you to believe you deserved it for some reason.
Charles endured the physical violence and the constant harassment of a heavy drinking stepfather, and later suffered at the hands of an abusive boyfriend, but has transformed her life to become a well-respected Administrative Manager of 1000 Women Trust.
Charles grew up living in Pollsmoor where her stepfather was a warden. After matric she studied B.Comm at the University of Cape Town and later on, worked for 15 years at the City of Cape Town, training personnel in the revenue department. She acquired an in-depth experience in all office logistics, report witing, handling of cash and assets, written correspondence and managing of staff and HR-matters, which has equipped he to work under a high level of stress, to multitask various tasks and meeting deadlines.
In April 2024, she started working at 1000 Women Trust as the administrator. She also participated in the Trauma support training course provided by 1000 Women.
Trauma had been part of her life for many years as she suffered at the hands of an abusive stepfather.
“He and his colleagues – wardens at Pollsmoor – drank excessively – not only on weekends but even during the week. We will come home from school and they would be passed out on the couch. And we will be woken up by a screaming mother late at night and would then run to the telephone booth to phone granny to come and fetch us as we were not safe,” she said.
“My sister would not be allowed to sit on the lap of my mother, as my stepfather was jealous,” she said.
“This physical abuse persisted for many years. Luckily my mother divorced my stepfather when I was in matric,” she added.
Charles said she and her sister felt resentment and anger towards her mother for marrying the stepfather and not protecting them from him.
“When I did the trauma training course of 1000 Women Trust, it helped me to bury the grievances and I was reconciled with my mother, as it helped me to understand that a lifetime of her own trauma played a role in obscuring her life decisions,” Charles said.
Her ex-boyfriend, the father to her 16-year old daughter, was very abusive. He not only hurt her physically, but constantly abused her mentally and emotionally, draining her self-esteem for many years.
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She left him after a while.
Charles is now happily married to a caring and supportive husband.
Charles said the course material of the trauma training of 1000 Women Trust was not the only helpful resource for her.
Even the anti-bullying material of 1000 Women Trust assisted her in giving guidelines to her seven-year old son Hugo when at school.
The 1000 Women Trust is a women’s organization aiming to raise awareness around gender-based violence, rape and abuse and mobilize resources that make it possible for the Trust to assist women-led organizations with grants and skills development.
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Registered Trust South Africa (IT738/2014)
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Office 108B
Valyland Centre, Ivanhoe Rd, Fish Hoek, Cape Town, 7974
Info@1000women.co.za
0614690479
The 1000 Women Trust
Registered Trust South Africa (IT738/2014)
NPO REGISTRATION NO: 163-132 NPO
PBO NO: 930 051 359
© Copyright 2023| All Rights Reserved. Designed by Ludet Digital for The 1000 Women Trust